在你之外

你的生日﹐到之前有點緊張﹐因為你妹妹和 Alicia 都在那裡。

所以我穿了那件灰色的洋裝﹐端莊可是 shows my curve, 頭髮放下來,
which is a bad bad idea 'cause it became puffy...


剛開始無聊得很﹐Chris 和 Ellen 都出現﹐我們卻連招呼也不想打﹐
勉強過去說了幾句話﹐哎~無聊無聊
整場最低潮大概是魚出現的時候。
啊~~~馬的為什麼他也來了﹗想到你們之間的歷史﹐
真是一整個怒火中燒﹗
妾身不明﹐是要怎樣有正室的尊嚴啦。

後來 party 漸漸有趣起來﹐但是你在幾桌之間週旋﹐
都沒有過來講話。快到尾聲時﹐我難過的問你
"am i just your back up best friend?"
你靠過來道歉解釋
"I'm sorry. I know i took you for granted today, but i have obligations.
You're very important to me. You're never my second best friend."
我有點驚訝, I can't remember the exact words now, but you sounded so guilty.
而你一向不為這類的事情道歉解釋。
"I'm sorry that I made you explain. You shouldn't have to. It's your birthday."
"I explain 'cause I want to. Otherwise you know i won't." 你說 "I love you"
你上次的 i love you 開始了之後的混亂﹐這次 i love you 希望可以 open the door to serenity between us.

然後我們之間恢復了彼此的默契﹐you and I, 熟稔親昵﹐一起。

走去 mitchel 家路上﹐我們兩個一起走著, 把你其他朋友遠遠丟在後面
你又開始道歉解釋﹐說你真的不是故意。

在他家﹐我坐在椅子上﹐你靠過來﹐單跪在我面前﹐雙手扶在把手上。
"i'm so sorry i didn't pay enough attention to you today."
啊~又要開始了嗎﹖
我那時候已經快睏死累死﹐身體往前靠在你的肩膀上﹐抱著你
"it's ok"
"You keep me centered." 你說 "How do you do that?"
"I don't know...'cause i'm an asian."

You popped e, invited me back to your place to keep you company.
在你家﹐我問你
"Am i your bitch?"
You said "why don't you trust this? I'm offended. I'd never treat you that way."

你說 wax 之後皮膚不舒服﹐我開玩笑說要看﹐結果你真的把上衣脫下來﹐

後來我累死了﹐不同以往﹐我睡著﹐不停被你吵醒。

at one point 你說要去 take a shower,
"i'm sorry i can't offer you the same thing, 'cause it'd be akward."
之後你又說 "i'm not saying that we should take a shower together."

直到第二天我才想到﹐
e, 你乾淨的家﹐沒開瓶的紅酒﹐ waxing, shower......oh did i miss some signs?

==========
寫這些流水帳﹐因為我想記得﹐和你 intimate 的回憶。
你後來說 "you look beautiful today. I'm so proud of you."
proud of me, why should you be proud of me?

啊﹐小王子馴養了一隻狐貍﹐卻忘了替他建個農場﹐狐貍只好又回到麥田去了。